Saturday, June 18, 2011


I am no Emily Post. I drink heavily (especially at baby showers) and pick my nose (in private), but there are a few essential rules I would like to discuss on lady business.

My sister and I just had a gag fest while discussing the after meal mouth clean. What is the after meal mouth clean you ask? It's are having a nice meal (or a hot dog from a vendor off the street), you finish eating, then openly scrape the remaining food off of your gums with your index finger.

Let me tell you something real quick and simple. THIS IS DISGUSTING! Those of us who don't indulge in this habit are mortified at the sight, or even thought of it.

If you are a mouth scrapper, it is essential that you take this information into account. People WILL be disgusted in their minds. Your image will be permanently tainted. So take the necessary steps to break this habit. Learn how to use your tongue to do the cleaning. In the meantime, excuse yourself to the restroom.

Numero Dos:

Cleaning your ears in public with fingers and/or foreign objects.

What is it with the urge to dig into your face holes in public??? I LOVE picking my nose, but I know how to control it.

We all have our excuses. I work in a kitchen inhaling smoke and general food funk all day. I need a deep cleaning after work, but that's really no one's business. Decide when and where said behavior is appropriate... in the privacy of your own home, or on the highway at a really fast speed.

And don't get me stared on the crevice creeping/look at your finger action. If it's not bad enough, now I have to watch you pull out your finger and check out the prize?? NASTY.

People need to take their surroundings into account.

Numero Tres:

The crotch touch. This is mostly geared toward men, but it has been seen in ladies. Look we all have our moments, but privacy is the key here. Privacy.

When my sister and I were kids, there were certain neighbors that had a picture of a hand in their window. This sign signified a safe place if you were in danger. Design a "safe place" for your nasty habits. Go there when you need to indulge. Go there.

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